Why do so many say that the second year of grief is worse than the first?
Is it the fact that in the first year, you imagine that by the end of that year some sort of former happiness will return?
But when the second year comes, and you end up doing life’s routines, holidays and traditions alone a second time, it is crystal clear, the former happiness doesn’t return. In fact, it seems to have been replaced with a deeper sense of loneliness, a greater understanding of the depth of all you have lost, and a deep weariness for having bravely fought the daily battle with grief, depression and hopelessness for over a year. There seems to be no tangible or measurable end is sight. The life you loved and put your whole heart into building with your husband was reduced to dust in an instant and the more time progresses, that farther time seems to move you away from the life you cherished and were so firmly attached to.
Time pushes you forward whether you wish it to or not.
All the while you feel like you are clinging to that life you loved with a white knuckle grip, afraid to and unwilling to release your grasp. The future of dreams, hopes & shared ambitions has been replaced with a future of fears, uncertainties & insecurities. A role, an identity, a oneness that bolstered your confidence and brought a sense of security and completeness has been replaced with a brand new identity. But, one that isn’t welcome at all. It reduces your confidence, brings with it waves of insecurity and suddenly your heart no longer feels full or complete. It is shattered, it is bleeding. It isn’t whole.
You tell yourself that you might as well accept these feelings of brokenness or dysfunction. You fear pain will be your new constant. You fear this dark cloud of unhappiness at your very core will never lift. You fear that this burdened life of sorrow is so much your new normal that not only do you not feel happy, but you fear you’ve forgotten what happiness feels like.
Taken from my journal during a very low time, Winter 2022.
I am living, breathing, walking proof that a shattered heart can still beat.
If not for the hope of a better life in heaven one day through faith in Christ and a joyous reunion with my precious husband and loved ones who have gone before, then only darkness would seem to lay ahead. Thanks be to God that there is indeed a shining glimmer of the light of hope ahead.
In Prayer & Hope,
This Widow Mama
Mark your calendars! Hope For Widows Foundation’s annual virtual Widows of Hope 5K event has returned on Friday, May 12 through Sunday, May 14, 2023. Anyone can join! Whether you are a widow, widower, or a friend/family member showing support or walking in the loss of another family member, everyone is welcome to participate. The proceeds will directly support widows through the annual financial Restoring Hope and Peace Grants, Sunshine Boxes program, and Bring Hope Holiday Assistance Program. Do you have or know a business that would like to sponsor? That’s an option too! To register and frequently asked questions- please go here: http://getmeregistered.com/WidowsofHope5K
Also, mark your calendars, on National Widows Day, May 3, 2023, the Restoring Hope and Peace Grant application process will open up. Please go here for criteria and details: https://hopeforwidows.org/grant/
About Dorothy Swanson
Dorothy lost her beloved husband Oct 2021 to a very unexpected bacterial pneumonia that quickly became septic shock. Her other half and best friend was born with a serious congenital heart defect. Because of that, she had always feared the possibility of being a widow, but she thought it more likely to be due to his heart, and more likely when her husband was in his 50s after the children were grown. Instead, he graduated to heaven just one week before turning 34. Dorothy was 36 with young sons ages 5 and 16 months who adored their Daddy. In less than 48 hours, the life Dorothy and her beloved husband so carefully built together shattered. They were blessed to share just over 8 wonderful, joyous and fun years of marriage. While her heart is so thankful to God for having had their journey together, she has struggled since his death with feeling hurt and let down by God. She has felt so devastated that their love story was short and ended so abruptly. Join her as she shares her unfolding journey of grasping to faith in Christ as she journeys through love, loss, single parenthood, honoring her husband's legacy and guiding her sons through their grief and life without Daddy.
Your words are so true. It was one year yesterday 5/2/22 that my husband passed away unexpectedly. And trying to manage all the grief and daily changes in our life, it’s been as though it’s day one. My son, daughter, and me try and move along in the pain but it’s clear now that this second year will be faced with the gravity and reality of our loss and just how much our lives will never be the same. Thank you for sharing.
became a widow on March 27th 2023. I am slowly learning to navagate this water no man or woman want s enter. I never expected not to take my husband home from the hospital but he developed blood clot that caused a massive cva. I never got to see his blue eyes or kiss him good bye. I’m so lost don’t know where to go or do. I look at family and friends and wonder why do they have there family and mine’s gone?