For those of you that have been following my journey, you know that moving on has been a struggle for me. About a year after Matt died, I tried and quickly knew I was not ready. In the last year I have been putting myself first and healing.
Back in March, I decided that I was ready to try again. I didn’t want just a hook-up but once again was just discouraged by dating apps. Quickly just said to my friends that I no longer want a relationship, but I have needs. Moving on was going to have to be something different.
I struggled with is there ever going to be someone that I will meet and feel comfortable with. One of my friends I introduced to someone it was just supposed to be someone to have “fun” with. I was not looking for anything more.
We sort of clicked and I told him that I needed it to be something casual and if it turns into more then we just let it happen. He understands my needs and has been patient with me. It is helping me to be open to moving on.
This time I did not look for someone like Matt. In fact, they couldn’t be more different and maybe that’s what makes this possible. I am not comparing them in my head. Nothing he does reminds me of what I lost.
When he hugs me, I feel safe and comfortable, and I thought I would never feel that in someone else’s arms. A coworker told me to take down some walls, not all of them but to let him in and see where it goes. That moving on is okay.
Tuesday night I had a Matt dream, and it did not shake me like it would have in the past. When I told him about the dream, he was just so great about it that I was not expecting that reaction.
He text me good morning every day and wants to help me with things. It is the little things that Matt never did that he is that is making it easier to trust him. And yes Matt helped me but not always because he wanted to. I know that my marriage was not perfect and I don’t pretend it was.
The fear of getting hurt again is still there. I worry that if I open myself up to someone I am going to end up with my heart broken but at the moment the risk seems worth it. The old me is starting to come back out and I am smiling and happy which has taken a long time to get back.
Mark your calendars! Hope For Widows Foundation’s annual virtual Widows of Hope 5K event has returned on Friday, May 12 through Sunday, May 14, 2023. Anyone can join! Whether you are a widow, widower, or a friend/family member showing support or walking in the loss of another family member, everyone is welcome to participate. The proceeds will directly support widows through the annual financial Restoring Hope and Peace Grants, Sunshine Boxes program, and Bring Hope Holiday Assistance Program. Do you have or know a business that would like to sponsor? That’s an option too! To register and frequently asked questions- please go here: http://getmeregistered.com/WidowsofHope5K