Today would have been my boyfriend’s father’s birthday and his death anniversary. We were supposed to go to dinner at his brother’s house but unfortunately, plans changed. He ended up making BBQ chicken at my house in honor of him.
On my way, I started thinking about how Matt’s birthday is next week. Dating someone has made me question how to honor Matt. In the end, I thought about buying Matt’s favorite beer that I can’t drink but my dad can so he can have one for Matt next week.
I am struggling with what his birthday meant to me as it was the day that we got engaged. While I am happy with my new relationship the day still holds much meaning to me. I am worried about grief moments that might happen.
Birthdays, no matter who has passed, will always have meaning to me. Unfortunately, there are two for me that are close to each other. And no matter how much time passes their birthdays will always mean something to me.
I will probably always struggle with Matt’s birthday and no matter how much time passes it will always be a special day for me. Moving on has not meant that I don’t still have love for Matt it just means that my love is different now and honoring it will always be something I do.
As we move forward in life it is okay to honor their birthdays in any way we can. Having a beer for them. Eating a piece of their favorite cake. Visiting their grave if they have one. Whatever you need to do to make it through the day.
My heart will ache a bit and I will wish he was in this world to turn 40. Celebrate with his family and friends even though he would have not wanted a birthday party.
On July 26 I will say happy birthday to him and give my dad a beer to drink to honor them.