Grief never ends.
As we move through the grief we face today we know there will be more things in the future to grieve. We will have periods of time where everything is going well we feel happy. But either a grief moment happens or a new loss.
Over the last three years I have been on what I refer to as my grief rollercoaster. I have had more then what I feel like I can handle bit apparently God thinks I can handle more. In about a week I will turn 35 and I am hoping I don’t lose anything that I get a year of peace.
Matt died weeks after my 32nd birthday. My grandmother died when I was 33. Thirty four I lost my four legged best friend. My mom is having heart issues and my anxiety is freaking out.
Over the last two weeks my sheep have been getting sick. The cause is unknown and I have lost more then ever. My heart is broken and fear of what could happen to the rest has me stressed out. Grief is present in my everyday.
I struggled to want to attend church this morning as I deal with everything at home. How could God continue to take things away from me. My faith has always gotten me through tough times so I went.
I lean on my support people. My parents, boyfriend and friends have all been around trying to help me through this latest grief moment. Helping me hold on to hope.
Grief brain has come back to make an appearance that has left me frustrated. Saying Matt’s name instead of me boyfriends in a conversation. Saying the completely wrong word. The rollercoaster I would love to get off of again.
Grief never ends it is always around there are just days that it is riding in the backseat waiting. We learn to live with it. And even though I am drowning at the moment I am still working on surviving. Knowing this to shall pass.