This week I had the opportunity to again attempt to help people understand a widow’s journey- or specifically my journey.
I presented at a university’s 15th annual Good Grief conference where this year’s topics featured presenters speaking on mental health and grief. The resources available or the lack of community and national resources to help grievers seek health ways to obtain help was the topics.
While honored to share my journey as a widow of 8 years with others, how do you share a traumatic event that uprooted your life, caused financial disruptions, broke apart family ties, moved neighbors and caused constant heartache?
I always say, “only a widow can truly understand another widow” and in many respects I believe its still true. I really don’t expect non-widows/widowers to fully appreciate my personal journey and experiences. But yet I was called upon to present ways I overcame my husband’s death and the methods I used to reach where I am today- spiritually, physically, and emotionally.
Briefly I will share the strategies I used and still use to “manage” this awful, lonely life as a widow.
Scripture
Initially I sought the Bible and healing scriptures. There’s over 62 scripture references of widows and orphans. I realized early on in my journey that God understood, and loved widows and we hold a special place in His heart. My favorite scriptures to meditate on are:
- Psalm 34:18– “The Lord is near the brokenhearted, He save those crushed in spirit.”
- Psalm 68:5– “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His Holy dwelling.”
- Psalm 147:3– “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
And when I lost all hope and didn’t understand my future or what it would look like:
4: Jeremiah 29:11– “ For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Books
After scriptures, I also read books written by and for widows. There are many wonderful books available dealing with death of a spouse that helped me comprehend a widow’s journey from beginning to end. Believe it or not, reading these books helped me not feel so alone- just knowing other women traveled similar paths, brought clarity to this widow’s fog on days I was lost.
Some of the books I read and still re-read for comfort are:
- The Undistracted Widow– Living for God after losing Your husband by Carol W. Cornish
- The Tender Scar– Life After the Death of a Spouse by Richard L. Mabry
- It’s Not supposed to be this Way – Finding Unexpected Strength when disappointments Leave you Shattered by Lysa TerKeurst
- The Wild Edge of Sorrow– Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief by Francis Weller
- I wasn’t’ ready to Say Goodbye– surviving, coping, and healing after the sudden death of a loved one- by Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair, PhD.
My favorite is: A Widow’s Journey– Reflections on Walking Alone by Gayle Roper
Community
Finally- one of my dearest strategies is reaching out to a few widows I know and together we cried, hugged, talked about our husbands, and relied on each other for daily strength and encouragement.
So here I am- at 8 years a widow. With less friends, less connections, solo parenting, more anxiety, and sometimes increased stress. But I often have move resolve, more widows’ connections, more wisdom to navigate this world and definitely more faith.
“All things work together for good to them who believe and love God”- Rom 8:28
I hope my resources are a blessing to you in your journey as they continue to bless me.
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Do you know someone ready to make a meaningful impact this holiday season? Join us in embracing the true spirit of giving by getting involved in the Hope for Widows Foundation’s ‘Bring Hope Holiday Assistance Program’ virtual initiative, now in its third year. This program directly supports widows who may be struggling to provide gifts and essentials for their children during the holiday season.
For many widows facing financial challenges, the choice between keeping the lights on, putting food on the table, and buying presents can be heart-wrenching. When you add the responsibilities of solo parenting, the weight of grief, and the toll it takes emotionally and physically, the burden becomes even greater.
To become a sponsor and access more information, and details visit the following link: https://bit.ly/3ZROBWo
For our widows/hope sisters in the community, please stay tuned as we’ll be sending out widow applications for sponsorship this holiday season very soon.
Let’s come together and make a difference in the lives of those who need it most.
About Ajai Blue-Saunders
Ajai Blue-Saunders is a servant leader and works for a nonprofit in the Richmond VA area. She is always seeking ways to encourage and serve others, even while experiencing the sudden death of her husband in 2015. Her work experience includes project development, herbalist, management, supervision and overseeing several companies and nonprofits.
Ajai has a heart for the disability community and serves on many local and national boards. She currently is solo parenting an artistic adult daughter with disabilitiies and together they are navigating this life with faith and love. She currently runs a widow's support group that meets monthly sponsored by a local funeral home which provides a safe place for widows to experience their grief journey with love and compassion.
