I Grieve For You

I grieve for you when your little friends

Say “Hey look what I did with my Dad.”

They talk about guy things

that only Dad’s can do.

I wish you had your Dad,

So you could talk about him too.

I grieve for you….

When I know what you lost,

was so much greater than your little head can understand.

This only life you know is far less wonderful

than the plans for you

that your Dad and I always had.

I grieve for you….

When your feelings are too big

for your childish heart to understand.

When your sadness spills out

And you scream and you shout

seeing you suffer is more than I can stand.

I will grieve for you always.

Knowing that out of all the Daddy’s

You had the very best.

But I wanted you to have more time to know that too.

He loved every moment he spent as your Dad

and he was so very proud of you.

This is me

On the brink of disaster

on the edge of tears

on verge of a melt down

overwhelmed with fears

The walking wounded

A forever amputee

Gaping flesh in the places that you used to be

I just can’t take it anymore.

Too many triggers

Surviving grief is like a war.

I surrender. I’m tired of pretending I’m OK.

If I feel sad, then I’ll show it.

I’ll just be sad everyday.

The sadness so deep

How come no relief?

Two years of brokenness

two years of defeat.

I pray

I ask God for help.

I am searching for hope.

I commit to go on.

But I am so sick of darkness

When comes the dawn?

About Dorothy Swanson

Dorothy lost her beloved husband Oct 2021 to a very unexpected bacterial pneumonia that quickly became septic shock. Her other half and best friend was born with a serious congenital heart defect. Because of that, she had always feared the possibility of being a widow, but she thought it more likely to be due to his heart, and more likely when her husband was in his 50s after the children were grown. Instead, he graduated to heaven just one week before turning 34. Dorothy was 36 with young sons ages 5 and 16 months who adored their Daddy. In less than 48 hours, the life Dorothy and her beloved husband so carefully built together shattered. They were blessed to share just over 8 wonderful, joyous and fun years of marriage. While her heart is so thankful to God for having had their journey together, she has struggled since his death with feeling hurt and let down by God. She has felt so devastated that their love story was short and ended so abruptly. Join her as she shares her unfolding journey of grasping to faith in Christ as she journeys through love, loss, single parenthood, honoring her husband's legacy and guiding her sons through their grief and life without Daddy.