Lack of Vision
The bi-products and aftermath of grief are so numerous, that even now, I’m sure there are things that I haven’t even realized yet that will affect us. Grief is like glitter, a song and quote suggest. And it makes perfect sense to me that years from now while I continue to meander through life after loss, a glint of grief will still find me. It’s kind of like when your toddler dumps out the entire glitter container and months later you are still seeing little shiny bits of it in the weirdest unexpected places. Grief’s presence will continue to make itself known in some measure for the rest of life.
Knowing that can look so daunting when all you know is the raw empty turmoil or devastation, and you can’t imagine a future without pain, and you don’t fully know what normal or better even feels like. Some experiences change absolutely everything.
One bi-product of grief that I have personally struggled to recover is a sense of vision. Vision meaning a desired or purposeful goal, aim, and outcome that one is wholly dedicated to pursuing. It’s the thing that drives and directs life that you can put your heart into.
My husband and I shared a common vision in our marriage that we pursued wholeheartedly. It brought fulfillment, meaning and motivation to share our beautiful life and ambitions together. So, it goes without saying that our common vision got blown out of the water.
So now, what is my vision as an individual? What does God have for me in this season of life? And what is the greater vision to the raising of our babies who are so quickly growing up? How can I give them the life God wants me to as a solo Mom, when I know that besides God himself, the most important and crucial thing that they need is the thing that I can’t give them, meaning their Daddy. And their Mommy and Daddy raising them together. A complete family unit with its own identity and vision. What do you do when this is no longer an option? Well, the only answer I know, is that you trust God even when it is terrifying and painful to do so, and you take it one day at a time. Or if that isn’t possible, then just one hour at a time, or minute by minute as He gives you the strength to keep inching forward.
I wonder, have you ever struggled with finding your vision since you became a widow?
In Hope & Prayers,
From This Widow Mama
Mark your calendars! Hope For Widows Foundation’s annual virtual Widows of Hope 5K event has returned on Friday, May 10 through Sunday, May 12, 2023. Anyone can join! Whether you are a widow, widower, or a friend/family member showing support or walking in the loss of another family member, everyone is welcome to participate. The proceeds will directly support widows through the annual financial Restoring Hope and Peace Grants, Sunshine Boxes program, and Bring Hope Holiday Assistance Program. Do you have or know a business that would like to sponsor? That’s an option too! To register and frequently asked questions- please go here: https://secure.getmeregistered.com/get_information.php?event_id=139671
About Dorothy Swanson
Dorothy lost her beloved husband Oct 2021 to a very unexpected bacterial pneumonia that quickly became septic shock. Her other half and best friend was born with a serious congenital heart defect. Because of that, she had always feared the possibility of being a widow, but she thought it would be more likely due to his heart, and more likely when her husband was in his 50s after the children were grown. Instead, he graduated to heaven just one week before turning 34. Dorothy was 36 with young sons ages 5 and 16 months who adored their Daddy. In less than 48 hours, the life Dorothy and her beloved husband so carefully built together shattered. They were blessed to share just over 8 wonderful, joyous and fun years of marriage. While her heart is so thankful to God for having had their journey together, she has struggled since his death with feeling hurt and let down by God. She has felt so devastated that their love story was short and ended so abruptly. Join her as she shares her unfolding journey of grasping to faith in Christ as she journeys through love, loss, single parenthood, honoring her husband's legacy and guiding her sons through their grief and life without Daddy.
Thank you so much for this. My husband passed away unexpectedly just 2 years in May. My son, daughter, and me are trying to manage each day at a time. Much of this time is survival mode for us. Thank you for sharing the hope that vision is a possibility even in grief.
Yup! Took me five years of darkness and pain to rediscover who I am, what God wants of me, and decide what to do with the rest of my life. Prayer, worship, and the sacramental life kept me afloat when I couldn’t float. What a gift we have in Jesus. I started singing songs with the word joy in them to retrain my brain. Eventually it worked. I started focusing on God’s creation when I couldn’t be grateful for my life, I could be grateful for what he has given us in the sunsets, river, and forests. The pain is real, so prayers and hugs for you and your family.