Proverbs 1:8- Pay close attention, friend to what your father tells you; never forget what you learned at your mother’s knee. The Message Bible
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While we just finished acknowledging fathers, dads and men on Father’s Day in June, I was reminded of the legacy men often leave their families. These lasting legacies help guide widows as we journey life after our husbands have left the physical earth.
The memories my husband John left our family are more than memories to be remembered. He and other men often leave character traits and particular ways of doing things that have been passed down from generations to generations. It is these habits or patterns that continue to thrive throughout history, even after death.
For example, there are certain preferences for food prepared a particular way that stand the taste of time. My father, originally from Jamaica is responsible for my fondest of spicy, well-seasoned food and my affinity towards eating cuisine from around the world. Growing up, we never ate just one kind of food but combined the historical culinary dishes of African, the Caribbean and the South into a mixture of pleasing dishes that still hold a special place in my family memories. Celebrating the Independence Day of Jamaica on or near August 6th, my father gathered his kitchen apron, and spent days preparing and cooking a feast of curried goat, jerk chicken, Jamaican patties filled with beef or chicken along with scrumptious sides of rice and peas, collard greens, coco bread and vegetables. Then I watched as other Jamaicans came to our house to help him cook, season and prep for the festivities. Those were some of the fondest days of my childhood. To this day I still seek out local Jamaican festivals celebrating Jamaican Independence Day and look forward to partaking in the best Jerk Chicken around!
My husband, while not of Jamaican descent, loved the food and the rum. He was raised in the Bronx, NY and became very good at playing the game of dominos. He was proud of the fact he could outplay even native Jamaicans and his grandsons at the game. Playing dominos is part of his legacy he passed on and the game holds a special place in my heart.
A love for sports was important to him too. He was a lifelong New York Giants (football) fan and was faithful to support the team- no matter how bad their football season was. I never really followed the Giants while married, but suddenly my daughter and I became Giants fans after he died. My daughter still follows the team faithfully now and has invested in Giants jerseys, cups, mugs, banners, hats etc. to carry on the tradition of her father. The New York Giants legacy lives on every year in my house!
Dreams left
When we think of the things our husbands left behind, it’s easy to focus on only the sad thoughts or unfulfilled dreams and plans. I’ve had my share of crying over things and adventures we no longer can enjoy together. This past Father’s Day I chose to remember other important legacies he left. His love for travel. His compassion and kindness to others. His service to others (church, military, service organizations) and the wisdom he passed on to many generations.
We still miss his gentle way of “pouring knowledge into others” and helping people to understand their purpose. He was a protector and we felt safe when he was home. I knew he was handling the business-side of life (finances, household appliances, yard maintenance) and I trusted that he had things under control. Those unspoken events and tasks a father often does to help make our little world a place. When he left, a vast void was created that I am still attempting to fill.
My duty, as his widow is to continue his legacy of love, protection, purpose and service to others. I don’t take his life for granted and I am thankful I had 23 years with him experiencing and developing a legacy worth sharing.
About Ajai Blue-Saunders
Ajai Blue-Saunders is a servant leader and works for a nonprofit in the Richmond VA area. She is always seeking ways to encourage and serve others, even while experiencing the sudden death of her husband in 2015. Her work experience includes project development, herbalist, management, supervision and overseeing several companies and nonprofits.
Ajai has a heart for the disability community and serves on many local and national boards. She currently is solo parenting an artistic adult daughter with disabilitiies and together they are navigating this life with faith and love. She currently runs a widow's support group that meets monthly sponsored by a local funeral home which provides a safe place for widows to experience their grief journey with love and compassion.
