Taking Back Valentine’s Day

I loved Valentine’s Day when I was a kid. At school, everything would be decorated in pretty pinks and reds, with little hearts everywhere. Oh and chocolate. Did I mention that there was chocolate?

We’d get to knock off school work early, make strawberry floats with vanilla ice cream and strawberry soda, and have one of those fun little class parties from days gone by.

I knew it wasn’t a holiday-holiday, but it was still fun.

Fast-forward to being a grown-up, and Valentine’s Day wasn’t always the most fun, particularly for my late husband Bret. He had previously married on that date, and I had once gotten engaged on the date, so he refused to celebrate it.

We “joked” that we preferred February 15th because of all the half-priced candies remaining on the store shelves. A bit ironic considering he was adamantly against candy and most sweets. (Yet he would always eat whatever I managed to bring home.)

I learned early on to expect absolutely nothing on Valentine’s Day, so aside from doing a little something for our daughter, I gave the day very little attention.

Three days before Valentine’s Day in 2018, he ended his life.

Family members trying to cheer me up took my daughter out and bought a Valentine’s Day teddy bear for me and some candy for her. Then some of her teachers and classmates sent home her Valentine’s Day party things with the sweetest card acknowledging our loss, tucked in with all her classroom valentines.

I was eyeball-deep in my grief but still felt comforted by these kind displays of caring.

Every year as I see the Valentine’s Day stuff hit the stores, I start to feel the date of his death closing in on me, but I no longer avoid the items.

Now, I let myself look at the cute things; the fuzzy little teddy bears and all the frilly pink things with “Be Mine” emblazoned across them.

It recently came to me that I actually still really like Valentine’s Day–much like the wintertime and the regular holiday season. I LIKE these things and he’s no longer here to tell me not to.

Bret had issues with just about every “holiday” and anniversary, which basically meant that I did too.

No more, though.

I took back Christmas this last year. And now I’m taking back Valentine’s Day too.

It’s not so much a romantic day, in my mind, as it is just acknowledging something that brought me comfort as a child and is bringing me comfort now too.

This year, as his date arrives, has been more difficult than previous.

My entire household has been hit by the flu, so morale is a bit on the low side. It’s been tough remembering how in spite of all his many issues, he was amazing at taking care of me when I was ill. He was the guy to rush right out for soup the moment anyone felt anything coming on. And of course, I am reminded that we had also been battling a little bug back then when he opted out of life for good.

If my kids and I are well enough, I will happily make us all strawberry floats and dive into a heart-shaped box of chocolates in honor of a day my late husband hated, but I loved.

And although I miss him horribly and always will, I know that I am free to enjoy this–and every other day I see fit–as much as I want, with no one telling me not to.

Image via Bing AI

Bret Aaron Munk 11/10/70-2/11/18 

About Layla Beth Munk

Layla Beth Munk is a blogger & author who was thrust into this widowhood journey abruptly and tragically on February 11, 2018. Her husband of 12 years had ended his pain once and for all. She soon made the decision that she would not let his final decision define the rest of her life or their daughter’s life, so with her sense of humor at the helm, she started writing about her newfound station in life. Grief waves still get to her, and probably always will, but with the help of her fellow widows as well as friends and family, she has been able to realize her dream of becoming a published author! Layla is so grateful to Hope For Widows Foundation for providing this level of support to her, and so many others! Layla has two amazing children, one who is grown and one who is almost grown. She lives in eastern Oregon and has a wellness & beauty background. Layla enjoys writing poetry, watching anime, and homeschooling her daughter.

Her blog can be found at laylabethmunk.medium.com and her debut novella, 24 Hours in Vegas, is available on Amazon.