The older my sons get, the more aware they are of the void in their lives created by their Daddy’s passing. Today my oldest participated in a capture the flag match led by the father of some of his classmates. Almost immediately after leaving the gym he shared how sad he was that he didn’t have his Dad. His honesty is so precious, and also so healthy, yet so very heartbreaking for me.
If I succeed in giving them the very best I can offer in love, support, experiences, friendships, opportunities, toys, vacations,….you name it. It can never repair the trauma and the unfair and awful loss they have experienced. It will never bring their Daddy back and I despise that. These are the sad and true facts of being a widow or widower, who is solo parenting. The biggest need that is the most damaging and devastating to the children is the one thing you have absolutely no control over that can never be fixed. If that isn’t discouraging for a parent, then I don’t know what is.
You try tirelessly to guard and protect your children from every possible harm you can imagine. Applying sunscreen, buckling belts, teaching stranger danger, monitoring their nutrition and sleep habits, and the list goes on and on and then out of the clear blue, the unthinkable happens. Death defies our control and our defenses and leaves behind a path of destruction and emotional debris that feels beyond repair.
I can’t undo the pain that has touched their lives. I can’t even magically bring a new father figure into their lives as much as I wish to be happily married and a “complete” family unit again, there is the ever awareness that life for my sons and I will never be the same again. So, I have no place to turn but to the only one whom I know who is in control of all things and is capable of healing and restoring broken things, my heavenly father. It is the knowledge that God loves my children ever so much more than even my husband and I ever did/do that brings some measure of comfort. It is the fact that he can take the most painful of life’s circumstances and some how use it to accomplish that which he calls good that confuses me…but also brings me hope.
This journey in losing your spouse and parenting your children whom have lost their father is so difficult. Please know you are seen and loved today. Please know you aren’t alone, even when it feels for certain that you are.
In Hope & Prayers,
From This Widow Mama
Image courtesy of www.canva.com
Quote from www.countryliving.com
About Dorothy Swanson
Dorothy lost her beloved husband Oct 2021 to a very unexpected bacterial pneumonia that quickly became septic shock. Her other half and best friend was born with a serious congenital heart defect. Because of that, she had always feared the possibility of being a widow, but she thought it would be more likely due to his heart, and more likely when her husband was in his 50s after the children were grown. Instead, he graduated to heaven just one week before turning 34. Dorothy was 36 with young sons ages 5 and 16 months who adored their Daddy. In less than 48 hours, the life Dorothy and her beloved husband so carefully built together shattered. They were blessed to share just over 8 wonderful, joyous and fun years of marriage. While her heart is so thankful to God for having had their journey together, she has struggled since his death with feeling hurt and let down by God. She has felt so devastated that their love story was short and ended so abruptly. Join her as she shares her unfolding journey of grasping to faith in Christ as she journeys through love, loss, single parenthood, honoring her husband's legacy and guiding her sons through their grief and life without Daddy.