The Ring

“You still wear your wedding ring”?  Yes, that’s a question I was asked recently by someone. I wanted to say (don’t you see it on my ring finger?) But instead I took a breath smiled then politely said ‘Yes, I am still wearing my wedding ring”

 My Devan transitioned 26 months, 2 days, 3 hours, 13 mins and 45 seconds ago. Which still feels like yesterday for me. 

I have worn my ring for over 20 years which is longer than the time he has been gone. When I am ready to remove my ring that will be between God and I. I also wear my Devans ring on my right hand which I had resized to fit me. I often times forget that I have them on. And I also have moments when I just look at them and reflect back to many different memories that both rings hold.

 I will not allow someone else to dictate nor decide when I should remove them because they think I should. I find it very interesting when others offer unsolicited advice. And or opinions especially when they have not experienced any thing remotely close. Nonetheless, I have learned to use moments like these as teachable moments for others. 

There are so many levels and layers to losing your spouse. And I would’ve never thought I would have to walk through them. The emotional layers & levels, financial layers & levels, spiritual layers and levels, mental and physical layers and levels are very deep rooted. And each individual has to go through each one of these on their own time and at their own pace. 

Once again no one can truly tell anyone else how to grieve , when to grieve nor how long. I personally don’t believe that it’s a right nor wrong way to do it. I am still walking in the surreality of it all and I often say I am doing it all ‘Moment By Moment”  

So with all of that being said never allow anyone to judge you for the way you have chosen to operate in your new normal of life.  Don’t allow anyone to put boundaries, barriers on you. Because when you have been married to your spouse and then one day they’re no longer here the ring should be the least of anyones concerns. 

If wearing your ring or whatever you need to do  gives you some  solace I suggest that you do whatever you feel works for you. So never apologize for how you have chosen to move forward and live.

“Moment By Moment”

‘Kimberly Nicole Johnson’