The things people say:
People say “time heals all wounds” maybe that’s true. However what they can’t tell you is what the word “time’ means in that statement. I often say“no-one can tell you how long to grieve” and to be honest it comes and goes. It has been 27 months so why does it feel like my world just changed?
Have you ever taken a moment to look at yourself in the mirror, I mean really look at yourself? I look in the mirror daily and not only to adjust my hair or my clothes. I look at “her” I look at Kimberly the woman who now stands in this world without her late husband Devan. And I am consistently amazed at my very own strength which comes straight from God. Thinking back I thought I would be in a different space two years later. Then again I don’t really think I thought this far ahead. I can say that the pain is real. And I have never felt this type of emptiness before my Devans transition.
I don’t allow people to say to me “it will get better” although I do understand over time it will. However, it still hurts deeply! Of, course I am not in the same exact spot I was when my Devan first transitioned. But then again that depends on the day and time because sometimes it does feel like it just happened.
I understand that most people just don’t know what to say therefore they say should probably say nothing at all. I also understand that a lot of people want to say something profound. Which can sometimes come off as being insensitive. And that may not be the case at all, because people can only give you what they possess.
So if they don’t have the correct words they can’t give them. Remembering that it can be hard to tell someone else how to feel, or what will happen in a situation you’ve never experienced. And that is what births the understanding “slightly” I say slightly because some of it is just common sense.
When I hear people say “I don’t know what to say or do with someone that has lost a loved one” my response is this “what would you want someone to say or do to and for you’? It’s basically that simple and I realize that people want different things during the grieving process. But one thing I believe everyone wants is to be comforted, loved, and not to be forgotten about.
I often talk about how I feel like a lot of people (even in my close circle) may think I need to move on with my life and stop talking about the transition of my Devan. I know they would say that’s not true, however, the actions of people speak much louder than the words they say out of their mouth. Unfortunately, for some until and when they go through something similar they may just not get it. So with that, I will continue to walk in love as I continue on this journey. I will always express how I feel with no apologies and trusting God with every single step that I take. While I continue to be patient with myself because this is a completely new life and walk for me. I have journeyed a mighty long way and I have a ways to go.
I don’t know if “time heals all wounds” is a fair and true statement or not. However, for me I just allow myself to be present in each moment. Which again means I feel it all and I will never apologize for where I am in each moment.
So whoever is reading this let me say it is okay to be where you are and feel what and how you feel for as long as you need to. Because “time” is subjective which means it’s personal. Also remembering that God does not see “time” the way we do.