IT’S OKAY: EVEN THOUGH IT DOESN’T FEEL OKAY
How many times do you look at other people and what you think is their amazing life? And wish you had their happiness?
I never wish that I had what someone else has. However, I do look and remember what my life was like before My Devans sudden transition. This whole thing is such a process. And it’s a process that you can’t run from without ending right back at the beginning “aka” starting point.
Whenever I begin to get too far ahead of myself and how this whole new life looks I must remember how far I’ve come. I know for a fact that I have made it this far because of Gods hands all over me. I will never equate how far I’ve come with “luck” no such thing. Nor will I ever take the credit or Glory away from God. Because if it was left up to me I honestly can’t say where I would be.
Yes, I have moments when I get really angry. And I want to know why us and then I hear why not you? As hard as this may be for others to understand, I understand that everyone in this world will eventually depart from it. I am not saying this to make anyone sad. What I am saying is that we have a job to do while in this world and we must operate in our full potential and assignment. And as we move along in life we will have some “why me” moments and although very painful we have to keep going.
Now, let me say that I know how it is hard because so many amazing things happened when you were once a duo. And now you have become solo especially when you didn’t expect it nor did you sign up for it when it happened. Most people get married with the expectation of growing 100 plus years old together.
I know My Devan and I expected to grow old to at least 120 hearts old together hand and hand. So I was extremely devastated when I found out my baby had suddenly and unexpectedly transitioned at the tender age of 43. Especially because of everything we walked through going through the breast cancer journey and winning. None of it made any sense to me and sometimes it still doesn’t.
Which brings me back to the complete fact I have so much left to do in this world. And I will take each day moment by moment and step by step. As I said before I know that God keeps me and He will not stop and He already knows what’s in store for me in this world. He blessed me with an amazing man and everything amazing that came with being Mrs. Ladevan M Johnson.
He allowed me to experience real true love what that looks and feels like. Therefore I know that what He has next is even more dynamic. No matter what I will continue to trust God He loves me more than anyone ever could and I know that He wants me to be even happier in this next new phase and stage of my life.
I encourage others to also keep going lean into God and fully trust Him. Even when it looks like you can’t trust Him choose to trust Him anyway.