My late husband died three months and one day after his 47th birthday. Yesterday, I turned 47 which means I am now his final earthly age. On April 11 of this year, I will officially be older than he ever was.

That’s an odd feeling…

When I am an elder, recounting the wild tales of my youth, I will only ever recall him as a younger person. He will be spared wrinkles and silvering hair. (He was bald though, but you get what I’m saying.) He will be spared the whole Medicare enrollment thing, he will never know the benefit of a senior discount.

But, Heaven willing, I will.

He will remain “forever young.”

Aside from years and age, he is missing out on so much more, though.

As easy as it would be to feel a little envious that he will never become “old”, he has missed out on watching his daughter go from grade-schooler to a young woman who will be eligible for her driver’s permit this Summer.

He has missed out on her getting all tall and skinny, with bob length black hair now. (She had long blonde hair for the majority of her childhood.)

He has missed out on so much, from new music, to a worldwide pandemic, and so much more, old age included.

So no, I am not actually envious of his forever young state.

I welcome the wrinkles and the silver hair because not everyone is afforded that luxury.

Very soon, I will be”older” than him, and someday so will our daughter.

Life truly does go on, and I am grateful for every second.

And if I’ve learned anything in these 47 years, it’s that gratitude helps everything.

About 

Layla Beth Munk is a blogger & author who was thrust into this widowhood journey abruptly and tragically on February 11, 2018. Her husband of 12 years had ended his pain once and for all. She soon made the decision that she would not let his final decision define the rest of her life or their daughter’s life, so with her sense of humor at the helm, she started writing about her newfound station in life. Grief waves still get to her, and probably always will, but with the help of her fellow widows as well as my friends and family, she has been able to realize her dream of becoming a published author! Layla is so grateful to Hope For Widows Foundation for providing this level of support to her, and so many others! Layla has two amazing children, one who is grown and one who is almost grown. She lives in eastern Oregon and has a wellness & beauty background. Layla enjoys writing poetry, watching anime, and homeschooling her daughter.

Her blog can be found at laylabethmunk.medium.com and her debut novella, 24 Hours in Vegas, is available on Amazon.