Somedays are beautiful the sun is shining, and the skies are blue. For a moment you are okay on your own. Then the storm clouds roll in and you get caught in the storm without your umbrella. You let the rain pour down on you. When you hear the thunder in the distance you start to panic and look for support.
I have been running so fast to stay ahead of my feelings that when I stumbled last week and got caught in the storm that is grief, I was alone. Instead of looking around for my support, I tried to go it alone.
The last two weeks have been rough and yesterday I went to a party where I drank way too much. I had a good time. It was the first time in a long time I let go and just had fun. It reminded me that my friends are still there, and they still support me.
After I got home, the full effects of grief came back. I was drunk and alone. But a friend is always a call way and I remembered that and reached out to someone who has always been there when I needed it. Support is always there.
I am still going to go to therapy. Support is in multiple forms, and I need to remember that and not feel like calling a friend on a lonely night is a burden. I need to get out of my own head and let other people in at times.
My support team will be there when I say no to celebrating my birthday but have a no celebration party because they know that the last good weekend Matt and I had was my birthday. We tried to celebrate last year, but it did not feel right without him.
Life is hard without your person but with the right people in your corner you can make it through. I recognize that I have been stressed with a new job at work, my mom’s surgery, and just not taking care of myself.
Remembering that I had support from people made a world of difference today. I feel like a weight has been lifted off me. I am still a bit sad but I know I will make it through cause I have to. I know that I am not alone. Tomorrow whatever gets thrown at me I will be able to make it through because my friends will be there if I need them to support me.