Let’s just say it.

You are the lucky one, Ed.


Dying is the answer to all of it.


Life is a constant drum

occluding the lyrics.


When you die,

you have flexible hours.


You can eat all the bacon you want.


You can run red lights.


You can float or bilocate.


If allowed to choose

I would be you instead.


But I have the boys,

and I trampoline back to this answer:


Yes, I would do all of this again

even knowing you would go first.


Are you near a window?


Can you feel the snow?


Have you met your heroes?


To the other dead husbands:


Please befriend my beloved.


He’s the one with the sweet beard.


He’s the one with the almond eyes.


He’s the one with the sleeve tattoo.


He’s the one that’s always glowing.




Amanda thought March 4th, 2020, would be just another normal morning until her husband, Ed, went into cardiac arrest due to his heart condition, HCM, hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. There was a 1% chance of sudden death, but he passed that day. He was 40 years young, and they had been married for 14 years. One week later the world went into lockdown due to Covid, and Amanda and her two small sons, who were 9 and 11, would be left grieving during the strangest of times.

During this time, writing was the only way Amanda could cope. She wrote the manuscript The Queen of Joyful Things, which are poems about losing her husband. She is happy to be a part of the Hope for Widows community and hopes her story will help other young widows. You can visit her at: