On Monday I said goodbye to my dog. The best thing for her but still ripped out my heart. I didn’t want to go home that night to a house without her in it. Feeling exhausted knowing the tiredness of grief was starting.
This week was a week at work where every day was a new challenge. In the past I probably would have had an anxiety attack but I am not stressed out. I am handling the punches as they come but I am just tired. The tiredness of grief hits hard and I just want to sleep.
Instead of communicating how I was feeling or what I needed I shutdown. I was mean to the person trying to comfort me. For so long I have been grieving alone so to share my pain in foreign to me. I just wanted to lay down in bed and sleep I felt the tiredness in my soul.
Friday was probably the worst day of the week and I remember saying to my sister I just wanted to eat dinner curl up on the couch and read my book. I was just trying to do self care but that is not what life had for me. Tiredness of the week, the month and the year were waying me down .
Saturday morning I woke up early my niece graduated from high-school and I had to drive my mom over there. My head and heart hurt from the sadness of my puppy no longer being apart of my life. I put on my happy face pushed away the tiredness and went to the party.
I was in bed by 9 and passed out by 10. Sleeping through to 8. Having a peaceful sleep but still waking up with the tiredness that will follow me all day long.
This grief tiredness is not new to me. It is something that I have gone through before. Brain fog has also decided to join the party. And between the two I just want to hide.
But I remember that if we talk about our grief be understood. Those around us will not judge us for sleeping for 10 hours and wanting more.
Grief is a journey that will take our energy at times. When you are not expecting as long as we remember that this too shall pass and it is okay. Tiredness, anger, sadness will all go away.