We Widows Gotta Have Each Other’s Backs

It is all too well known that many of us get cut loose from our friend groups when our loss becomes too much for others to take.

This doesn’t always happen, but it does happen a lot.

As a consolation prize, if you will, the friendships that we stand to make with fellow widows can be some of the best, most enduring of our lives.

It is a painful paradox to consider that I would not otherwise know some of my dearest friends at this time, had it not been for my late husband’s choice to end his life on that cold and dreary February day back in 2018.

So it absolutely breaks my heart when I see widows “attacking” each other over differences in opinion.

I have witnessed this primarily online in our various support networks – thankfully not all that often!

Mostly, this revolves around topics like dating and finding love again.

Some widows are interested in getting back out there, or maybe just willing to at some point.

Others are not and are even sometimes upset at those who choose to date again.

Friends, please. Let’s not judge our fellow widowed brothers and sisters for being brave enough to open our hearts once more.

Honestly, it is not anyone else’s business, and your opinion and permission are not needed.

This does not mean that friendly and caring advice on the subject should be avoided – quite the contrary.

I actually found myself in a new relationship relatively quickly post-loss. Some might say too quickly, and well, some did. (And truthfully, it was.)

One fellow widowed friend simply struck up a very sweet conversation with me and didn’t give me any “warnings” or unsolicited advice. She just genuinely wanted to make sure I was okay with everything.

To this day, I value this conversation and appreciate how she went about the whole thing.

I have, however, witnessed other widows absolutely coming down on those opting to date again, simply because they themselves have chosen not to.

If you choose not to, then that is perfect! FOR YOU. And no one should be badgering you to get back out there if you truly do not want to.

But we can’t choose for others – we can only choose for ourselves.

This isn’t the only thing I’ve seen wids squabbling about, but it tends to be the most heated.

It honestly doesn’t matter what the topic is, the point is, that we need to have each other’s backs.

Nobody understands a widow like a fellow widow.

Widowhood is isolating as hell, too, so we need to cling tightly to one another.

It’s also worth remembering that just because we are all widows, doesn’t make our stories or situations similar.

I have interacted with widows who never lost one friend; whose financial situation didn’t collapse into ruin; whose lifestyle didn’t change all that much.

I have also met those who wound up sleeping in their cars with no support network to speak of at all.

But even those who appear to have been more fortunate, have their struggles. They also lost their person.

Their partner. Lover. Best friend.

So let’s be kind to one another.

We don’t need to judge each other or look down on others just because they do things differently than we do.

We are all part of the same “club” but each of us are different…

…and all of our pain and struggles are equally valid.

Image via Pinterest/@Primally Pure

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About Layla Beth Munk

Layla Beth Munk is a blogger & author who was thrust into this widowhood journey abruptly and tragically on February 11, 2018. Her husband of 12 years had ended his pain once and for all. She soon made the decision that she would not let his final decision define the rest of her life or their daughter’s life, so with her sense of humor at the helm, she started writing about her newfound station in life. Grief waves still get to her, and probably always will, but with the help of her fellow widows as well as friends and family, she has been able to realize her dream of becoming a published author! Layla is so grateful to Hope For Widows Foundation for providing this level of support to her, and so many others! Layla has two amazing children, one who is grown and one who is almost grown. She lives in eastern Oregon and has a wellness & beauty background. Layla enjoys writing poetry, watching anime, and homeschooling her daughter.

Her blog can be found at laylabethmunk.medium.com and her debut novella, 24 Hours in Vegas, is available on Amazon.