Do you ever dream about your late husband?
When my sweetheart died I was forced to trade in my favorite books about Christian marriages, great dates, romance and parenting your children together for the books I never expected to read at age 36 about widowhood, grief and solo parenting. I read while nursing our youngest, still a baby and completely unaware of his own devastating loss. I read and I read. I learned about accounts of other widows’ experiences and so many accounts seemed to share they had experienced meaningful and life-like dreams during their grief journeys. Dreams that bought comfort and reassurance that their husbands were okay or sending them love. Dreams of comfort offering a little glimpse of their beloved enjoying heaven. Dreams that seemed to help them heal along grief’s painful journey. So,… I prayed and I asked God for this kind of a dream.
I prayed and I prayed and my dreams were filled with trauma. Seeing him sick again and dead again, or dead for another reason. Re-living my loss. Re-feeling my tragedy. So I prayed some more…. “please God, just give me a glimpse of his happiness in paradise with you. I want to see him happy and whole. I want to hear his sweet voice say that he loves me and that everything is wonderful for him and everything will be okay for me.” Or I want a dream that gives a sense of closure or a sense of hope. I longed for reassurance and comfort.
I have pleaded, but thus far my dreams continue along the same themes of processing and experiencing trauma. I have dreamed he becomes better and doesn’t die, or appears dead and wakes up unexpectedly. Like Jesus’ miracle healing his friend Lazarus and raising him from the dead. Oh how I wish he still did that kind of a miracle in our day and age. I have dreamed he never was sick and that his death was actually a dream, and I have awoke from many a dream after a full night of rest literally exhausted and emotionally drained to start the day. The dreams that re-write my painful reality with a much happier ending, like recovering in the hospital or people thinking he was dead but he was not are the worst to wake from. Sometimes they become so lifelike that I can feel the relief and the joy only to wake up and crash back into my devastating reality all over again. Dreams are rough.
I haven’t yet had one of those famous comforting dreams that I have read about, but I will keep hoping and praying that one day I will be given that gift.
What are your experiences with dreams on your grief journey?
In Hope & Prayers,
From this Widow Mama
About Dorothy Swanson
Dorothy lost her beloved husband Oct 2021 to a very unexpected bacterial pneumonia that quickly became septic shock. Her other half and best friend was born with a serious congenital heart defect. Because of that, she had always feared the possibility of being a widow, but she thought it more likely to be due to his heart, and more likely when her husband was in his 50s after the children were grown. Instead, he graduated to heaven just one week before turning 34. Dorothy was 36 with young sons ages 5 and 16 months who adored their Daddy. In less than 48 hours, the life Dorothy and her beloved husband so carefully built together shattered. They were blessed to share just over 8 wonderful, joyous and fun years of marriage. While her heart is so thankful to God for having had their journey together, she has struggled since his death with feeling hurt and let down by God. She has felt so devastated that their love story was short and ended so abruptly. Join her as she shares her unfolding journey of grasping to faith in Christ as she journeys through love, loss, single parenthood, honoring her husband's legacy and guiding her sons through their grief and life without Daddy.
I appreciate all the posts from widows. Some days are so long and nights can be even longer. Praying for all widows on this journey.
Thanks so much for sharing that. I am so glad that you find all the blogs so helpful. So nice to know we aren’t alone in our experiences. You are so right, the days and nights can feel so very long. I send prayers right back.
I lost Matt 3 years ago. I’ve had several dreams of him but only one that was vivid and felt real. He was on a horse and he rode up to me and said “I will be back soon.” Ever since that dream, I’ve had many horse references pop up at interesting times; songs, a white horse on the golf course, poems with horses, etc. We weren’t horse people so I find it odd but delightful.
I’ve also had some incredible signs as well. One that I couldn’t ignore was a gift from a friend on our wedding anniversary that coincidentally had the name of the restaurant where we had our first date, 44 years ago. My friend had no knowledge of our anniversary or the restaurant. God and Matt work together for little miracles. Stay tuned in and you will receive their love from above.
Those are such beautiful positive examples. I am thankful you took the time to share them with us.
I have always wanted one of those sweet and reassuring dreams as well! I lost my husband almost 5 years ago, and I have literally had maybe four dreams with him in them… and they were all scary and awful. my husband was becoming another person before he died by suicide. I have yet to have one of the real him, the joyful Happy who he was where I’m not afraid. it makes me so sad to hear what are the dreams that are so vivid and connecting, when mine are completely absent or traumatic with the few I’ve had. it’s unbelievable to me, because I love him so deeply and we had 11 years of marriage with him as a incredible person before the terrible ending… I’m grateful to find someone else who can relate.
Thank you for being so open with your experiences here. It is such a comfort to know we all aren’t alone in this type of pain and these hard experiences. I am so very sorry for terrible ending you endured and the yucky dreams you are dealing with. I am grateful you took the time to comment.
it’s been 5 years for me after 40 years of marriage to my husband I know your dreams when I wake up the reality hits me all over again I’m learning to be 1 not 2 and taking care of myself is so hard I have 1 son who is mentally ill but he is working on himself and trying to help me also God is not done with me yet I will pray for you you have 2 beautiful children that need you and I can not imagine your trials and tribulations but sister know this your heart is continually before the lord I’m praying for you and the children God’s peace I pray for you right now in Jesus name
You are so sweet to be praying for my boys and I. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences as well as some positive encouraging words of faith. I will be praying for you and your son as well.
My husband passed when I was 38 and he was 39. He passed away very suddenly. We were married 19 years and our son was 11.
When I have dreams of my husband the themes are always negative that he is mad at me, leaving me, divorcing me for another woman, he’s upset that I believed the lie that he died and didn’t pick him up at the hospital. The most recent dream is that we were in a good place (which we were when he died – a very good place), and I was lost with our son, and I couldn’t find him.
When I have dreams of my husband it often set me up for a very emotional day.
Thanks for sharing. I am glad to know I am not alone in these experiences. Sounds like we became widows at about the same age. Grief’s journey is hard but made a little bit easier by having a little community here of ladies who understand what it feels like to be a widow. God bless you.