Moment By Moment
We have 19 days left in this year and I must admit time flew by yet at the same time moved slowly. I have been having some rough moments a lot more, I’ve realized that I can feel any way I need to feel and I will never make myself uncomfortable in order to make someone else comfortable. I decided the day that my husband left this world that I would never hold in my pain. Everyone handles grief differently and there really is no guide to dealing with it.
Also, I had to come to terms with the fact that not everyone knows how to walk through this grief with you. Understanding that some people would rather avoid me vs standing in it with me. I didn’t lose my dog I lost my husband, my soulmate, my best friend, and My Devan will never be here again.
When Devan and I went through the whole Breast Cancer walk there were a few people that completely let me down. They just disappeared, however; by them removing themselves made room for others to step in and become very important to me. It was then that I learned that not everyone is equipped to walk through these journeys with me/us. And as I look back I can see how God was preparing me for all of this.
I am always talking about walking in the purpose we were created for because believe it or not we all have one. I have always had a close relationship with GOD, however; now it’s so much more. My husband had me spoiled and he was the ultimate man and what I mean is that he loved GOD, me, our children, our grandchildren, our family with his entire being. Just like a 1-year-old toddler I’m learning, exploring, experiencing all the things life has to offer
I talk about us every single day and guess what, I am allowed to miss him, talk about him 24 hours a day, think about him, look at pictures, videos, smell his clothes or whatever it is that Kimberly Nicole Johnson needs to do. Never will I say sorry for loving the man that I’ve loved for decades. There’s a lot of people walking through grief at this very moment, not knowing what to do and each moment is new.
I am looking forward to 2018 although I have a looming sadness. This is the year that would’ve made 20 years married to My Devan. Therefore; I am pretty certain that when July 25, 2018, comes around I will feel like we were cheated, however; I can’t stop saying that I know everything happens how it’s suppose to.
So what do we do with this life we are now living without our husbands? We do what they did which is live life to the fullest. Yes, I’m sure there will be many days that will be some of the hardest, longest days of our lives.Then there will be days that will be a breeze.
Being that I am newly widowed and still at the very beginning stages of this thing called “grief.” I choose to be present in every single moment of my life. Also choosing to continue to share my purpose with the world. Because after everything I’ve been through I know without any shadow of a doubt that it isn’t about me. I never knew how strong I was until I had to know how strong I am!
`Kimberly Nicole Johnson