I had an opportunity recently to learn a valuable lesson I hope to remind myself again and again throughout the year.

Setting the scene

This past week I was locked out of my car in the late afternoon on a cold and snowy day in the downtown core. It was beginning to get dark and the streets were very quiet on this holiday weekend.

Nervous concern began rising inside me.

I was forced to reach out for help. So I began to go thru my mental rolodex.

Who do I call? Will anyone realize I’m not home? Who should I burden? Why am I feeling so anxious and alone?

Reality is a bi#!h

After my husband died I came to the difficult realization that I am solely responsible for me now.

In the past, I would not have hesitated to call my husband for comfort and help. He was an extension of me. We were a team. He always had my back and we were responsible for one another. It’s what we did.

But now…

Who do I call?

I was filled with negative self talk. My inner voices were on overdrive!

  • I don’t want to be anyone’s responsibility
  • I don’t want to be anyone’s burden

The awakening

Armed with my coaching tools, I brushed away the negativity and called my daughter. Her immediate offer to help warmed my heart.

I now wonder why I hesitated to reach out for help.

  • Is it pride?
  • Self doubt?
  • A feeling of being needy?
  • Fear of being rejected?
  • Acknowledging how alone I truly feel?

Regardless. I am proud of myself for pushing out of my comfort zone.

The good news

I am so grateful for my daughter’s response when I texted her later that evening to say thank you.

“Always there and doing our best, you’re not alone you’ve got a whole big family.”

I was reminded that I am loved. Sometimes we need to be reminded.

Wishing everyone a happy and healthy year ahead filled with self-love and compassion. Remember, you were loved by your partner because you ARE worth it.

Forever evolving

Susan

 

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Susan Kendal

On May 20, 2014, Susan’s world came crashing down. Her 54-year old husband passed unexpectedly of a heart attack. The years since have been a whirlwind of emotion, trauma & joy (yes, she said joy, thanks mostly to the birth of her grandchildren). Over the next 5 years, Susan experienced additional heartache following the death of her dad & both of her brothers. She knew her only way to make sense of all her grief was to find a way to use her experiences to help others. Now, armed with a grief educators certificate from David Kessler, a coaching certificate, her learned experience and inspiration she has set out to make a difference in the lives of the bereaved. Living with loss is a lifetime challenge. When someone dies, friends and family rally around the bereaved for a short time. Soon after, the conversation changes from one of comfort to one of anticipation and judgement. The bereaved are given a time frame to “get over it”. This antiquated notion leaves no option but to grieve in silence. Often silence can become isolating and cause mental and physical health issues. Susan educates society on how to help those who are grieving by using her voice to speak up and share her learned and lived knowledge. Susan encourages collaboration and dialogue so please reach out to her at evolve beyond grief on her website, Facebook and Instagram.

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