This past week while out for drinks with some co-workers one was pressuring me about moving on and dating. When I said I was happy alone they would not stop. I made the point that I was single by choice.
I am not ready to move on. And that is my choice.
No one has the right to comment on that.
I want to be mentally ready to let someone else into my life and now I am not there. Tuesday morning, I woke up from a dream where I said I love you and it was said back by the one person that I still love with all my heart.
I believe that if it is meant to be then I will find someone else when I am not looking. Matt and I were not looking to date when we met, we just happened to find each other. And if I choose to love again, I want to find it that way again not by going on a dating app.
The thing that made me angry the most was that she told me even if Matt was alive, she did not think that we would not be together. This person did not know Matt and I together. She also said she knew my type based on knowing Matt.
When I said I am happy alone she told me that she did not believe me. For now, I am. Grandma, the farm, and my grief keep me busy.
I consider it a win that I did not snap at her. Instead, I just took another sip of my drink.
No one knows what would have happened if Matt lived not even me.
The thing I do know is that my heart is broken, and I am still putting the pieces back together. I am working through my guilt on my way to peace. Learning to be alone and not depend on anyone is also something that I want to do. By choice, I am single so I might be able to learn to depend on myself for my happiness.
Once I have peace maybe then I will be ready.
At one point in time, I thought I was ready to start dating. Signed up for a dating app and quickly regretted that. I do not want to be set up with people. And the people that know me the best respect my wishes.
Grieving is a process and tomorrow is one year seven months and I cannot put a timeframe on when I will be ready to move on.
Time will tell what will happen but for now, I choose to be single and if someone doesn’t like my choice then they do not need to be a part of my life and they do not have to comment.
No one can push us into doing something we are not ready to do. Don’t let someone tell you when they think you should be ready.
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