In just barely over three short months, I will have been widowed for five years.

Some days it feels like it’s been decades and that I really and truly know how to make it without a partner.

Other days, I’m reminded of just how much I don’t know and it all still feels so new.

Two minor “disasters” that were very much under the umbrella of my late husband’s expertise occurred just days ago.

My laptop went completely kaput. Bret handled all of our tech stuff, even though I’m not completely out to lunch when it comes to tech. He was a Mac guy and managed to switch me over from PC not too long after we got together.

Even though I’ve handled all the technology upgrades in my home since his passing, I hadn’t had to break in a new laptop yet.

I get really stressed out having to learn all the different ins and outs of each subsequent upgrade, so the last few weeks haven’t exactly been rainbows and butterflies for me.

Without my dad and my daughter, it would have been much worse, and as it stands now I have a brand new functional MacBook. (I’m still getting used to it though, hence my writing this blog on my phone!)

And then there was my headlight…

Headlights on cars go out all the time, right?

Well, I had never dealt with one on my own before until last week. Dear ol’ Dad was out of town too, but he told me via text to take it to O’Reilly’s and they would even install it for me!

This news was like a miracle to me.

I was so happy about it that I posted about it on the Hope For Widows Facebook group where others responded with additional helpful hints on the same lines. (Things like how certain autoparts stores will do batteries and wiper blades as well.)

I have blogged about little wins like these before, as well as the times that sure don’t feel like wins. And just when I think that I’ve got it all under control, something “new” comes right back up!

Fear sets in and I start worrying that I’ll never really know how to do it all. But then I remind myself that so far, I’ve been okay.

I’ve had help, yes, but at the end of the day, I’m learning how to handle it all on my own and I’m doing okay.

I’ve learned so much in these last five years that I can’t help but feel proud of myself! I don’t think he would’ve ever believed that I could do life on my own like this.

Sometimes, it feels like too much, though and I find myself getting really frustrated at being the only one in charge.

But then I just remind myself of all the other things that I’ve mastered over these last few years, and then the pride I feel vastly overshadows that fear.

We can handle this and we will get by.

We got this.

Pic via Pngitem

Looking for a way you can make a difference and give back this holiday season? Embrace the spirit of giving by participating in Hope for Widows Foundation’s third annual ‘Bring Hope’ virtual program that directly assists a widow’s family who cannot provide gifts for their children or other necessities during this holiday season. Some widows who are struggling to make ends meet during this time simply do not have the luxury of purchasing gifts when their finances require them to choose between keeping the lights on and food on the table or purchasing presents. Add in the factors of solo parenting, grief, and the emotional and physical toll it takes. If you would like more details on how you can support a widow and her family, please EMAIL US directly for questions at info@hopeforwidows.org or to sponsor, go here for details and to fill out the application: https://linktr.ee/hopeforwidows

PS. Happy birthday, Bret. 🖤

11-10-70 – 2-11-18

About 

Layla Beth Munk is a blogger & author who was thrust into this widowhood journey abruptly and tragically on February 11, 2018. Her husband of 12 years had ended his pain once and for all. She soon made the decision that she would not let his final decision define the rest of her life or their daughter’s life, so with her sense of humor at the helm, she started writing about her newfound station in life. Grief waves still get to her, and probably always will, but with the help of her fellow widows as well as my friends and family, she has been able to realize her dream of becoming a published author! Layla is so grateful to Hope For Widows Foundation for providing this level of support to her, and so many others! Layla has two amazing children, one who is grown and one who is almost grown. She lives in eastern Oregon and has a wellness & beauty background. Layla enjoys writing poetry, watching anime, and homeschooling her daughter.

Her blog can be found at laylabethmunk.medium.com and her debut novella, 24 Hours in Vegas, is available on Amazon.