What is closure? Is it accepting that your loved one is gone. Processing unsaid words and feelings.


When Matt died it was three days after a fight in which we decided to separate. There was no time to prepare for his passing. It was just a shock. I went to the hospital that night to hope that I would get closure.


But that did not happen. No sense of this is over happened. I thought then maybe at the funeral I would feel closure. But instead I was left more confused and broken. My world was broken and I had no way of putting the pieces together.


Closure it is something I needed. There was days that I just replayed the fight over and over again in my head. Hoping to find it in those painful memories.


For over a year I was searching for someway to find the sense of peace with Matt’s death. I remember saying something to his mom about it around his birthday last year when talking about what she wanted to do with his ashes. We always talked about doing a tree urn but in my hurt I didn’t do that instead gave them to his mom. I felt like I did not get closure because I didn’t do that.


In time I realized I was not going to get the closure I seeked. So instead I talked to Matt. Told him I was sorry for the things I said that day that I regreated. That I still loved him. All the things I need to say.


I have learned that we don’t always get the closure we need when a person passes away. Sometimes we need to find it some way. It was a journey but I found what I needed to move on with life.


Laurel became a young widow on October 2, 2020, her husband Matt had a heart attack he was only 37. Matt was a juvenile diabetic and they always knew he would die young but she never thought that she could be a widow at 32. Navigating grief with anxiety, regrets and guilt have been a struggle for Laurel. They had gotten into a fight days before he died and they had talked about divorce. One of the things that helped her the most is finding other widows who understood the pain she was feeling. In February she decided to start writing her story. Self-care is something else she started to do daily and art has become her outlet to get what she is feeling out which she shares on her Instagram. Being a young widow comes with its own challenges but we are not alone in this journey.
You can find her on Instagram @HealingPorcupine or her personal blog link- Healingporcupine.com.