It’s been well over six years since I became a widow and if I’m being honest, I still have not settled everything that needs to be settled following the death of a spouse.
Most everything that needed tending to was already in my name – Bret knew that will or no will, should something happen to him, I’d probably have my work cut out for me with regard to others thinking that they’d be entitled to our home, vehicles, etc. So to circumvent that, nearly everything was put in my name to begin with.
House? My name.
Car? My name.
Motorcycle? My name.
And so on.
Even most of the utilities and things of that nature were placed initially in my name.
But for the few things that weren’t in my name?
Well, I am starting to have some problems…
And with that, the drowning sensation that I have felt every day since his death is stronger than ever.
When the newest problem du jour first reared its ugly head, (he had himself listed as the main account admin for the many webdomains that we own) I promised myself that if and when I can get this worked out, I will take care of any remaining similar situations.
And in the interim, I will encourage others to do the same.
Handling this type of business is not only time-consuming but can be expensive as well.
And in this electronic age, there is often very little protocol out there for the kind of thing I am facing right now.
No wonder I’ve been ignoring this!
Where does one even know where to begin?
When we become widowed, not only do we lose our life partner, but we lose half the team.
And as utterly overwhelming as it can be, I am here to encourage widow/ers to get these kinds of things handled as soon as they can.
It took a few years, but I finally was able to address getting my cell phone back into my own name. And honestly, that was a pretty easy task – shout out to both Verizon and T-Mobile!
I was able to sell and buy a house all on my own, without him, and I felt pretty darn good about myself for that.
But again, our home had been only in my name to begin with, so there was no one demanding this form, that form, this proof, and that proof, etc.
In a perfect world, these things would legally be much easier for surviving spouses/legal partners.
So before the weight of the entire world crushes you completely, address these things. Get what needs to be accomplished taken care of and put into your name, as soon as you can.
Order as many death certificates at the beginning as you can – it is cheaper that way.
Go to court. Fill out the paperwork. Pay the fees.
Do it as soon as you can.
And maybe, the oppressive weight of being a widow will be a little less suffocating, if for nothing else than for a few blissful moments.
Moments can turn to hours, which can turn into days, and while we can’t bring our spouses back, peace of mind is a close second.
Image via LifeToYourSoul.Org with credit to unknown original artist.
About Layla Beth Munk
Layla Beth Munk is a blogger & author who was thrust into this widowhood journey abruptly and tragically on February 11, 2018. Her husband of 12 years had ended his pain once and for all. She soon made the decision that she would not let his final decision define the rest of her life or their daughter’s life, so with her sense of humor at the helm, she started writing about her newfound station in life. Grief waves still get to her, and probably always will, but with the help of her fellow widows as well as friends and family, she has been able to realize her dream of becoming a published author! Layla is so grateful to Hope For Widows Foundation for providing this level of support to her, and so many others! Layla has two amazing children, one who is grown and one who is almost grown. She lives in eastern Oregon and has a wellness & beauty background. Layla enjoys writing poetry, watching anime, and homeschooling her daughter.
Her blog can be found at laylabethmunk.medium.com and her debut novella, 24 Hours in Vegas, is available on Amazon.