This past week while out for drinks with some co-workers one was pressuring me about moving on and dating. When I said I was happy alone they would not stop. I made the point that I was single by choice.
I am not ready to move on. And that is my choice.
No one has the right to comment on that.
I want to be mentally ready to let someone else into my life and now I am not there. Tuesday morning, I woke up from a dream where I said I love you and it was said back by the one person that I still love with all my heart.
I believe that if it is meant to be then I will find someone else when I am not looking. Matt and I were not looking to date when we met, we just happened to find each other. And if I choose to love again, I want to find it that way again not by going on a dating app.
The thing that made me angry the most was that she told me even if Matt was alive, she did not think that we would not be together. This person did not know Matt and I together. She also said she knew my type based on knowing Matt.
When I said I am happy alone she told me that she did not believe me. For now, I am. Grandma, the farm, and my grief keep me busy.
I consider it a win that I did not snap at her. Instead, I just took another sip of my drink.
No one knows what would have happened if Matt lived not even me.
The thing I do know is that my heart is broken, and I am still putting the pieces back together. I am working through my guilt on my way to peace. Learning to be alone and not depend on anyone is also something that I want to do. By choice, I am single so I might be able to learn to depend on myself for my happiness.
Once I have peace maybe then I will be ready.
At one point in time, I thought I was ready to start dating. Signed up for a dating app and quickly regretted that. I do not want to be set up with people. And the people that know me the best respect my wishes.
Grieving is a process and tomorrow is one year seven months and I cannot put a timeframe on when I will be ready to move on.
Time will tell what will happen but for now, I choose to be single and if someone doesn’t like my choice then they do not need to be a part of my life and they do not have to comment.
No one can push us into doing something we are not ready to do. Don’t let someone tell you when they think you should be ready.
**Have you heard about Hope for Widows Foundation’s annual Restoring Hope & Peace Grant program? It was established by the organization in 2019 to help widowed women offset financial challenges as they navigate their healing journey. You can find out details, timeline and the history of this grant here: https://hopeforwidows.org/grant/ All widows based in U.S. and Canada are encouraged to apply. Applications open on National Widows Day, May 3, 2022. For additional questions feel free to email info@hopeforwidows.org **
About Laurel Snook
Laurel became a young widow on October 2, 2020, her husband Matt had a heart attack he was only 37. Matt was a juvenile diabetic and they always knew he would die young but she never thought that she could be a widow at 32. Navigating grief with anxiety, regrets and guilt have been a struggle for Laurel. They had gotten into a fight days before he died and they had talked about divorce. One of the things that helped her the most is finding other widows who understood the pain she was feeling. In February she decided to start writing her story. Self-care is something else she started to do daily and art has become her outlet to get what she is feeling out which she shares on her Instagram. Being a young widow comes with its own challenges but we are not alone in this journey.
You can find her on Instagram @HealingPorcupine or her personal blog link- Healingporcupine.com.
Laura
Now your friend was out of line for her comment. What is always funny to me is that people think they know your spouse better than you did. Each of us will know when we are ready and what we are ready for when it is time. As long as we trust our feelings, we will be good. Glad that you are getting out and trying to enjoy life.