If I had one bit of advice – and possibly a magic wand to help make it so – I would advise new widows to make sure that they give themselves ample time to grieve, post-loss. Of course, this goes for anyone deep in grief.
Unfortunately, we live in a world that expects us to pick up and move on as quickly as possible. Little to no grace is given to those whose lives just completely and permanently changed.
We are to stand up and move on, lest we inconvenience anyone else.
I know. How dare someone die and put a big old monkey wrench in someone else’s plans! The nerve!
In many ways, I was fortunate and didn’t have to go to a job the next day. I had a little savings and that gave me a bit of a cushion there for a hot minute.
But that didn’t last and I had to get out there and get a job.
I hadn’t had a regular job for over a decade.
Way too quickly due to the very urgent advice given to me by much of my support network, I went out and got a job. It seemed serendipitous at first, but soon I learned that the employment world had changed a lot in my time away.
The bosses, which included someone whom I had once considered a friend, were haughty people who yelled at everyone nearly every day. They threatened write-ups and were constantly criticizing yet fell terribly short when it came to actually training new hires. Then they had the audacity to wonder why they had such a high turnover rate.
This new job happened just three months after my husband had ended his life in our home while our daughter and I were right there. Our home was sold and we also moved across the state in that time.
I thought I had addressed my grief properly – I just figured it wasn’t ever going to go anywhere so I may as well learn to deal with it. That was also the thought of my closest support network at the time: We are strong people. We get up and press on.
It was just too soon.
All of it.
I had moved too quickly, got into a relationship too quickly, tried a new career too quickly, bought a new house too quickly, and so on.
Nearly seven years out I am still trying to unravel it all and work through, not only his death but the way things had been before his death. And especially the way things have been after.
So, please be gentle with yourself when you are new in grief. If at all possible, take absolutely as much time as you need to sit with your feelings and process things.
If friends or relatives – no matter how well-intentioned – try to push you along at a pace that’s more comfortable to them, tell them to back off. Respectfully.
This is not an easy road, but maybe some of us might come out a little better off if we could just be afforded that great healer, time, as we navigate this new and scary place.
Some people do better if they get right back into their daily routine as quickly as possible, and if that’s you then keep doing what works. But for others like me, take whatever time you can.
And don’t let anyone make you feel bad for doing so.
–
Image generated via BingAI
–
Support Widows This Holiday Season!
As we approach the holidays, the Hope for Widows Foundation is seeking sponsors for our annual Bring Hope Holiday Program. This initiative supports widows facing financial challenges, helping them provide gifts and essentials for their children during this special time of year.
Want to make a difference? Become a sponsor and bring hope to a widow’s family this holiday season. Every contribution, big or small, helps spread joy and light. For more details and to sign up, visit: https://linktr.ee/hopeforwidows
Note: If you are a widow in need of support this holiday season, the widow application will be available at the end of October or the first week of November. You can find it at the same link.
Let’s make this season brighter together!
About Layla Beth Munk
Layla Beth Munk is a blogger & author who was thrust into this widowhood journey abruptly and tragically on February 11, 2018. Her husband of 12 years had ended his pain once and for all. She soon made the decision that she would not let his final decision define the rest of her life or their daughter’s life, so with her sense of humor at the helm, she started writing about her newfound station in life. Grief waves still get to her, and probably always will, but with the help of her fellow widows as well as friends and family, she has been able to realize her dream of becoming a published author! Layla is so grateful to Hope For Widows Foundation for providing this level of support to her, and so many others! Layla has two amazing children, one who is grown and one who is almost grown. She lives in eastern Oregon and has a wellness & beauty background. Layla enjoys writing poetry, watching anime, and homeschooling her daughter.
Her blog can be found at laylabethmunk.medium.com and her debut novella, 24 Hours in Vegas, is available on Amazon.