Why, oh why would a Widow’s wardrobe be questioned?
Before we get too far, I will say that I enjoy using humor in my writing and in dealing with my own grief. This is going to be a humorous piece (I hope) so if that’s not your thing, that’s cool. I understand that humor is not everyone’s cup of tea. But hopefully, we will have a few chuckles while we discuss the “oh-so-important” topic of maintaining one’s fashion sense whilst widowed.
Early on in my own journey, I learned pretty quickly that everyone has an opinion on how the Widow is running her/his life. And yes in fact, this can include fashion choices.
If the Widow is sitting around in pajamas, people talk.
If the Widow is dressed to the nines, people talk.
No matter what the Widow does, people talk.
This was obviously a little perplexing to me so I took it to my blog with a little piece I called “Proper Dress Attire and Behavior Tips for Widows.”
I had personally been experiencing both ends of the spectrum in which I was judged for sitting around in my late husband’s sweater and barely making it to the shower each day. A little later on, when I felt up for it, I was judged by members of my online peer group for looking too “happy” or even “sexy” in photos.
Can we Widows ever win?
I finally decided that I had no reason to entertain either notion.
I was the one trying to pick up the pieces that my husband’s suicide left behind.
I was the one who was trying to make sense of everything.
I was the one who was walking this walk, not anybody else, so if I wanted to wear makeup and take a cute selfie, I would! If I wanted to cry and look like I just crawled out of the laundry hamper, then that was fine too.
I used the time in the early days of my grief to learn about what makes me feel physically comfortable. I learned that evidently I adore yoga pants, sports bras and loose fitting tank tops. (Or no bra at all. Yes I went there.)
I learned that I don’t necessarily have to put makeup on each day.
I learned that lip balm and facial mist are instant mini luxuries, which are nice when grieving. (Some lip balms can also help moisturize and soothe areas rubbed raw by tissues and crying.)
I also learned that waterproof mascara is a necessity…
Nearly four years on my grief journey, and I still prefer yoga pants to jeans, and some days, makeup doesn’t happen. Other days, I put my makeup on like I’m going to the Met Gala and wear something that doesn’t resemble pajamas.
Both are perfect choices.
Whatever we can do to encourage and motivate ourselves to keep going is the right option.
People are going to talk either way, so we may as well be comfortable in our own skin while they do.
Let’s face it, widowhood is not comfortable, so if your favorite fragrance spray and fuzzy socks are things you find comforting, then wear them!
The same goes for being all dolled up and wearing something trendy or even “sexy.” Not one person has the right to tell you how to live. Wear what makes you feel good, because when you’re a Widow, the days in which you feel good, are victories.
…and life’s little victories are always in vogue!
(graphic via https://clipartix.com/fashion-clipart-image-35225/)
Totally convinced that moms and widows can never catch a break! They aren’t you and not in your journey and you need to do whatever you need to do to keep you sane, well said…er…written.
Agreed, and thank you! 🙂
Omg!! This is so true! Love it!
I’m happy you enjoyed it! 🙂