How awesome would it be to have widow cards? A friend knows you are going to do something hard and they just send you a card that says “I know this is going to feel like your heart is breaking all over again but you got this” I draw it as my self-care and I have often just wanted to make broken heart cards. Widow card could be a pick me up on bad days when we don’t feel like living without the one we lost.
Today I went to my first Yankees Game without Matt in more years than I can remember. A friend sent me the “take it moment by moment” irony is I said that to him yesterday. We have those days that we need those pep talks. Imagine if someone sent me a widow card for today that just said the memories are going to come and you can handle them you are strong, I believe in you.
What many don’t know is the last time Matt and I went to a Yankees game he got drunk which he never did and said something stupid on the way home. God that is not a memory that I want to remember. I want to remember that. I got on the train, and it hit me so hard. “Grieving sucks but you have to feel good and the bad. Process the memories and move forward.” How many times do I wish I could tell a fellow griever this just send a widow card, I see you, I am here when you need me but you got this reminder.
The good news I survived the game. Maybe I had too much alcohol, but I made it. I must take things in slowly and remember the times that Matt would joke that they were losing because he is in the stadium, and he would leave, and they would end up winning. Matt loved the chicken and fries bucket, and would often say he went for the garlic fries. I let those memories sweep over me and replace the bad ones. I joked that this year I can’t make him leave so they can win unless his ghost is with me and then I am not sure it will leave. My love is always with me he is the voice in my head now.
This month I have been on a roller coaster of emotions. I cry a lot. I would love to make a card that says this wave is temporary it will pass you will survive. Friends could send things cards to show they understand what is going on. I know that I would not survive most days without my best friend checking in on me. She tells me that it will pass it has to. I can only imagine if widow cards were a real thing she would have sent me a bunch already.
I am a huge follower of Instagram grief quotes they bring me a sense of calm at times. That is why I have often wanted to make my depressing line of cards. One-year death anniversary wants to show the person you remember sends a widow card. Maybe widow cards should be grief cards instead we could send them to any grieving person. You survived this first year and you will continue to survive I am here for you still and always will be.
Have someone in your life that just doesn’t get what not to say send them a widow card. This week people at work were making jokes about heart attacks. Normally it would be funny but how about the woman who lost her husband almost a year ago because he had a heart attack at work. That is not funny. Now I have a dark sense of humor but that I can’t joke about. Imagine just giving them a grief etiquette card. Rule 1 don’t joke in front of the widow about how her husband died. It isn’t that she can’t take a joke or is sensitive it just brings up painful memoriess.
For now, drawing is my thing and maybe soon I will start a line of Healing Porcupine broken heart cards. Widow Cards that we can send or be sent to us. A pep talks in a card. God knows this month I could have used those instead of pretending I am okay. I used to call them my pretty depressing drawings and tonight I am going to draw some. It is how I cope with the feelings. How I get them out of my head.