I have written in-depth about social media. It has benefits and flaws just like everything else, but I have to admit that it was incredibly helpful in the early days of my grief.
Initially, I didn’t think that I would want to get right back online following Bret’s sudden death. In no way did I feel prepared for the onslaught of questions and comments that would surely come my way. I decided that a post confirming its truth (a family member had already posted about it) should suffice. Bret was always very active on social media and his absence would be noticed. A brief confirmation seemed appropriate.
Looking back, I almost laugh to myself thinking that a quick announcement on my part was going to be the end of it.
I have always been active on social media as well, and instead of pulling back, I sort of jumped in headfirst.
I began posting my every thought, my every feeling. My Facebook page became like a real-time journal that offered real-time support.
Oh sure, there were some nasty people out there who were either trolling me or were seriously born with no empathy whatsoever, but the good easily outweighed the bad.
I have always been a blogger and writer, so it was only natural that I started blogging about my newfound title of widow. From that one of my pages, The Snarky Widow was born. I went with Snarky because “bitchy” didn’t feel appropriate even if it was more accurate in those early days!
In fact learning to embrace the darker moments of grief – the anger, the deep sadness, and hopelessness – helped facilitate even more healing.
I never wanted to hide what I was going through, but I had grown to be very careful with how I expressed myself online. I wasn’t sure just how much I wanted to share on the interwebs.
As it turned out, sharing the messy and the raw was my greatest source of growth.
Being “snarky” when the moment called for it was incredibly helpful.
Sharing joy when others thought I should still be hiding under a rock became my superpower.
Being brutally honest when pressed for details about his death (yes, that happens sometimes) became one of my trademarks. It’s quite literally been “oh, you want to know how he died? How he did it? Well, here ya go!”
And of course, finding humor has been quite the saving grace.
I have been fortunate enough to have found multiple groups on Facebook, some of which are dedicated dark humor groups. Surrounding myself with others who possess my same coping mechanisms has been beyond valuable.
One thing that brings a slight grin to my face is knowing that Bret will never have to know the frustration of “Facebook Jail” because it wasn’t the out-of-control monster that it has become in recent times. I know with my whole heart that Bret would have done more than his fair share in Facebook Time-Out due to the fact that he didn’t really have much of a filter.
It would have just been another source of frustration for him, but I’m sure it would’ve inspired some of our competition as I tend to find myself on Facebook Restriction quite a bit as well!
Facebook Memories can knock the air right out of me at times, but I am grateful for all the support I’ve received over the nearly five years that he has been gone.
I’m so glad I decided to share both my grief and my healing.
Knowing that my thoughts and words may have helped others – that’s the real blessing.
Clipart Via Pinterest