I instantly recognized the masturbating woman in my husband’s saved email file. I could hear her children playing in the next room. I could see her wedding photos on the wall behind the bed she was lying (and sometimes bent over) on. I admired her bed frame as she began moaning my husband’s name.    My husband’s name.  MY.HUSBAND’S.NAME    Joooooohn. Jooooooooooooooooohn.    This was ...
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I talked to many social workers during the two and a half years that Michelle was sick.  We spent so much time in the hospital between the surgeries, the treatments, etc. that while she was sleeping I would often ask for a various social worker to come to talk to me ...
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My third favorite “F” word is flowers, my second favorite “F” word is food, and I’ll let you guess what my first favorite “F” word is. Speaking of f***ed, I think all of us widows can agree on the fact that our early postmortem memory bank is well, f***ed.  I ...
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The past few weeks I have been pondering the meaning of the word respect. It seems that a fair amount of posts on social media are written about this subject. In fact, the last post I read said, “Once you lose my respect, it's gone. I will never respect you ...
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Before my husband Ray died, I used to "go along, to get along." In fact, I think I spent my life trying to please others. For example, I would do or say whatever I thought would make someone else's life better or easier. If I took on the blame, or ...
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During my life, I have often sought permission from others to go ahead and do what my heart was telling me. This habit hasn’t always served me well. Consequently, today I want to suggest the following to my widow sisters. Give yourself permission to: ~ forget the stages of grief ...
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I finished a book. In fact, I have finished two books!!!! I love to read! I've been an avid reader my whole life. After Ray died, I developed a problem with my ability to concentrate. I would start a book only to read the same sentence repeatedly and then finely ...
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As a new widow, one of the hardest things for me to do was learning to live in acceptance of what my new reality had become. I remember going places and looking at the families and thinking, "My family will never be like that family." I began to discover that ...
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