A few hours after Nate passed away, I remember watching our three and a half year old son happily fall asleep next to me, wondering how on earth I was possibly going to tell him that his daddy was no ...
Hey there, I know... IT SUCKS. I'm not going to sugarcoat widowhood for you in hopes that it'll make you feel better. That would just be rude. It sucks. Period. However, I recently celebrated- well, got through- the third year anniversary ...
When we buried Todd, I longed to sleep at his gravesite. I actually took my sleeping bag to the service and was nearly asleep next to his mound of dirt when Todd’s best friend roused me and escorted me away ...
I woke up today realizing I feel more alone now than I ever have in my life. And it’s not just that I’m living alone for the first time - no parents, no child: totally alone in this quiet house. ...
Guilt. It is that awful feeling that creeps up in dark moments – shows up unannounced, and with no true purpose, other than to torture with a million different “what ifs”. It has a sneaky way of allowing self-doubt to ...
Before and after. Two words that signify a complete and utter evolution in my life. From simple to complex...mostly predictable to unknown...happy to *it depends on the day and the hour*... Before and freaking after. A beginning that led to ...
I can't help but dread this time of year. Most people would think it would be the anniversary of Jared's death. But the five weeks from Mother’s Day to Father's Day are some of the most difficult days for me. ...
Sunday will be my fifth Mother’s Day since Jared died. And even though I am remarried, it is still a hard day. It is still a day I wish Jared could be here. A day I wish I wasn’t a ...
Dreams - where do they go? The other day I overheard a couple of coworkers talking about their lives and careers. Listening to them I realized that I didn’t have any dreams for the future right now. Those dreams ...